My son Will is a college sophomore, and while away at school he accepted an offer from my wife and I to help clean out his room which was half full of empty gatorade bottles, old college mail, long neglected toys, and returned homework. The upside for Will is our plan is to buy him a larger bed, yet we have an alterior motive (two words: guest room).<\/p>\n
Today while sorting papers, my wife found the below gem from a class that Will does not recall. The obvious assignment Will was faced with, was to write some poetry in various styles. Reading them brought me tears of laughter and pride, and with Will’s permission, I offer them here for your own poetic pleasure. \u00a0So, no offense intended to poets or poetry lovers, I offer Will’s homework assignment:<\/p>\n
Part 2: My Own Wonderful Words<\/strong><\/p>\n Lyric<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I Can\u2019t Write Poetry<\/strong><\/p>\n Poetry is pretty black and white<\/p>\n You can either do it or you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019m one of those who can\u2019t.<\/p>\n Poetry is garbage; it\u2019s not even tight.<\/p>\n I hate poetry really bad<\/p>\n So I\u2019m gonna go cry to my dad.<\/p>\n \n Symbolic<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Poetry Kills<\/strong><\/p>\n One time, I got hit by a train.<\/p>\n The impact caused me severe pain.<\/p>\n I\u2019m pretty sure my leg fell off<\/p>\n And that my lung collapsed, so I coughed.<\/p>\n But I blacked out, I don\u2019t remember.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not sure if I was dismembered.<\/p>\n And when I came to,<\/p>\n I realized I couldn\u2019t move.<\/p>\n There, all messed up on pain pills<\/p>\n I realized, poetry kills.<\/p>\n \n Onomatopoeia<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I Hate Poetry<\/strong><\/p>\n Cows say, \u201cMoo!\u201d<\/p>\n Pigs say, \u201cOink!\u201d<\/p>\n Dogs say, \u201cBark!\u201d<\/p>\n I say, \u201cI hate poetry!\u201d<\/p>\n \n Sonnet<\/a>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Poetry Isn\u2019t Fun<\/strong><\/p>\n Today, I find myself writing a poem<\/p>\n And it has put me in the worst mood ever.<\/p>\n Will I ever need poetry in life? No, never.<\/p>\n So why are we wasting this paper?<\/p>\n \n Poetry makes me want to kick a puppy<\/p>\n And also to set fire to a forest<\/p>\n The whole poetry system I protest.<\/p>\n I think poetry is more useless then a guppy.<\/p>\n \n I think the clear purpose of poetry<\/p>\n Is to make kids feel terrible.<\/p>\n And it\u2019s working, I fell like fresh poultry<\/p>\n But another could be to make kids cry<\/p>\n And if that were the true reason for poetry<\/p>\n Then it\u2019s working, I want to die.<\/p>\n \n